Butterflies and Runaway Thoughts

You have all shared in my joy this week of getting a great report from my oncologist.   It felt so good to hear the words, “everything is looking good.”  My heart felt light and happy, but moments before, that was not the case.

As I drove to the hospital I was aware of the sudden flutter of butterflies.  I felt nervous.  Strange.  I didn’t feel butterflies when I had the surgery or the radiation treatments.  This was just a check-up.  Perhaps I was nervous of what might be found.

Yes, that was it.  What if the cancer was still there?  What would they recommend next?  How long would all that take?  What if it was spreading? When would I ever get back to Kyrgyzstan?  What if…?  What if….?  Oh, those “what if’s” are making me crazy with fear!  Butterflies – gone wild!

Wait.  Stop.  What’s happening?  Oh, it’s you again, you awful enemy, making your attempts to rob me of peace.  Well, it won’t work.  I’ve found you out – again.  Get behind me Satan!  Jesus, fill me with your peace.  Ah, that’s more like it.  Thank you, Lord.

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you. Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal rock.”  Isaiah 26: 3-4